When something bad happens whatever it is and whoever it’s happening to I dissociate. It takes work for me to get back into it and face it and sometimes I choose not to but not today. Racism is not something I’m willing to disassociate from.
It’s not easy to acknowledge that I’ve been raised with racist tendencies because of the culture I’ve grown up in but it’s important that I acknowledge that so that I can start untangling it and doing the work.
I get worried that I’m going to say or do the wrong thing but that should never stop me from saying or doing something. I have privilege as a white woman and if I choose to stay silent I’m complicit in the violence and the continuation of these kinds of tragic and devastating atrocities.
I am so glad to be surrounded by people who are being called to action and to education and in turn helping me to educate myself. I am proud to be surrounded by people who are admitting their failings, acknowledging their privilege and calling out their inaction.
I’ve not done enough, I’m not doing enough and that’s not ok. I need to do better, we need to do better. It’s not up to black people to tell me what to do I need to educate myself. It’s my responsibility as a human being.
This year I made steps - I acknowledged the white washing of my IG feed and made inroads to diversification, I started seeking out black authors, black podcasters, black Women’s sex and health educators, I sought out pages seeking to provide information on racism.
These things seem too small to me to be significant but I can’t let myself get caught up in the narrative that just because I feel hopeless means I shouldn’t try. I also mustn’t get caught up in the narrative that because I’m doing these things that’s enough. This is a LIFELONG piece of work and I need to keep listening, learning, asking questions, receiving criticism, taking action, using my voice and using my platform and my privilege to give a voice to women of colour and to share these issues.
I’ve so often thought that this is not my conversation to have (thank you Sarah Potter for sharing this with our Whatsapp group today) and I’m being reaffirmed that it is so I will.
Carly x
