'Drowning in the sea of tears you're crying, are you worried that you're happier at war than at peace' - John Moreland
One of the strangest things I have come to realise is how attached we are as humans to our misery. We hang on to what has been done to us, to those who have hurt us, to the conditions we have been diagnosed with. We build a very distinct and rigid sense of self around these labels, which restricts us more than we realise.
Our language even reinforces this attachment - I am sad, I am anxious, I am depressed, I am angry. In Spanish they often say 'I have' instead of 'I am'. Tengo miedo = I have fear. This gives the impression of a much more temporary state of being rather than something intrinsic to our character.
John Moreland's lyrics really resonated with me because it can be really interesting to realise how attached we can be to drama and sadness. If you have grown up in or spent time in a volatile environment where anger, drama and tears were a normal part of your day and how all issues were dealt with it can be difficult to break the drama junky cycle. There is something strangely addictive and appealing about dramatic outbursts and passionate, dramatic make ups.
This cycle is something I have worked particularly hard to free myself from. All of my relationships until now have revolved around drama, sitting firmly in either love or hate, passionately loving or passionately angry at any given moment. These days I am trying to learn to enjoy the peace that comes from not reacting from a place of anger. Trying to have my emotions rather than be them. It is a lot easier to let go of something that isn't part of who you are.