I took some a few days off last week and noticed a voice of comparison, judgement and self-criticism rise up. With the voice came the feeling that I was somehow falling behind coupled with the false impression of scarcity of resource that is so readily proliferated in our culture that, unchecked, can lead to competition and comparison rather than celebration and empowerment. So I deleted social media apps from my phone for the remainder of my time off and the voice subsided. I settled back into feeling how deeply right it was to be slowing down and welcoming this rest phase of both my cycle and my work.
It reminded me of the importance of noticing and keeping a check on the inner narrative that is unfolding in every moment and how insidious the message of not being valuable unless I'm 'doing', creating or producing can be.
I decided to do a deep dive on these emotions, feelings and voices to unpick the threads and seek the source. I discovered that the themes were self-limiting beliefs around value and worth and the root of the issue was a lack of training and experience in unconditional love.
Having not been role modelled unconditional love, I have learned to put conditions on when I deserve to be loved and what behaviours are deemed lovable and this is deeply connected to my sense of worth and my relationship to failure. If I'm not progressing then I'm failing and if I'm failing I don't deserve love. How crazy these inner voices can become unchecked.
So I was so very glad to be sent a piece of writing that spoke to the heart of the issue. Thank you so much to my mentor and guide Naseem for passing this to me through her mentor and guide Aisha Salem.
The below excerpt particularly resonated so I thought I'd share in case anyone else is swimming through these murky waters.
We all deserve to love and be loved without conditions and we are all worthy and valuable without need to prove anything to anyone.
'You have been carrying lifetimes of weight - keeping you from fully acknowledging and rejoicing in the beauty of your Being. You have been mirrored in off ways, not been Seen and have learned not to acknowledge your own worth - to mute, to silence, to not allow your Being here - which has caused a fracture in your ground of being, called "worthlessness". It is the result of suppression.
The time is Now for its dissolution. It is time to shed the weight of not-good-enough and acknowledge, that not only are you valuable - you are worthy of Life and Love too!
To let life happen, we must stop holding ourselves back. We must stop feeding the hard and fearful voice telling us, that we do not deserve to Live and thrive. We must let life balance out, through the willingness to acknowledge our worth and that which is complete in us - even if we are incomplete as humans. We are Beautiful despite being mid-woundedness and our healing is Not a pre-requisite for the movement of our Life and self-love - it is the development of it!' ~ Aisha Salem
Link to full piece: www.facebook.com/notes/aisha-salem/value-worth-humility/2345089865536711/